The Culture Map by Erin Meyer — Why Kiwi Culture Felt So Different to Me
By Maria Barciela • Almost Local
When we first moved to New Zealand, I remember feeling confused by certain social dynamics I couldn’t fully explain.
People were kind.
Friendly.
Helpful.
And yet, building deeper friendships often felt slower than expected.
At first, I wondered if I was imagining it.
But years later — especially after living in Europe and returning to New Zealand again — I started realizing that many of these feelings were actually connected to culture itself.
That’s why reading The Culture Map by Erin Meyer felt so fascinating.
The book explores how different cultures communicate, build trust, express disagreement, give feedback, and navigate relationships in very different ways — often without even realizing it.
And honestly?
It helped me better understand some of the emotional contradictions many expats experience in New Zealand.
🌿 What Is The Culture Map About?
Erin Meyer, a professor at INSEAD, developed a framework comparing cultures across different communication and relationship styles.
The book looks at questions like:
- How direct or indirect is communication?
- How do cultures build trust?
- How comfortable are people with confrontation?
- How emotionally expressive are conversations?
- How hierarchical or egalitarian are relationships?
While the book is often used in international business settings, I found myself constantly relating it back to daily life abroad.
Because culture shapes so much more than work.
It shapes:
- friendships
- belonging
- social expectations
- emotional safety
- communication styles
- even loneliness
☕ Friendship and Friendliness Are Not Always the Same Thing
One of the reflections that stayed with me most while reading the book was how differently cultures approach relationships.
Coming from Argentina and Brazil — where interactions are often emotionally expressive, spontaneous, and immediate — New Zealand initially felt much more understated to me.
In Argentina, even today:
- people greet each other with a kiss hello
- conversations overlap constantly
- emotions are visible
- friendships often form quickly and intensely
Kiwi culture, on the other hand, often feels softer and less confrontational.
People tend to:
- give each other space
- avoid emotional intensity
- communicate more indirectly
- build trust more slowly over time
And honestly?
Understanding this culturally changed the way I interpreted many social situations.
What initially felt like distance was often simply a different rhythm of connection.
🌊 Why This Book Resonates So Much With Life Abroad
One of the hardest parts of moving abroad is that many emotional experiences feel deeply personal.
You wonder:
- Is it me?
- Am I doing something wrong?
- Why does everything feel harder socially than expected?
Books like The Culture Map remind us that many of these tensions are actually cultural.
Not failures.
Not incompatibilities.
Not proof that we don’t belong.
Just different ways of relating to the world.
And I think that realization can create a lot of self-compassion for people navigating life between cultures.
✨ Final Reflection
Living abroad is not only about adapting to a new country.
Sometimes it’s also about learning that there are many valid ways to:
- communicate
- connect
- build friendship
- express warmth
- create belonging
And perhaps understanding culture more deeply also helps us understand ourselves more deeply too.
📚 Book Details
Book: The Culture Map
Author: Erin Meyer
Themes: Culture shock, communication styles, friendship abroad, international life, belonging, global cultures
💬 A Question for You
Have you ever experienced a cultural difference abroad that completely changed the way you understood people or relationships?
I’d love to hear your reflections 🌍