(Because friends don’t fall from the sky… usually.)
Let’s get one thing straight from the start: Building community” sounds big, official, and slightly terrifying.
Like… do I need matching mugs? A shared vision statement? Is there a group leader?
Nope.
Here, community means something human and straightforward: feeling like you belong.
It might look like a tight crew of ten—or just one friend who texts, “Are you okay?” when it’s raining and you’re missing your grandma.
This isn’t about becoming the mayor of your new town. It’s about:
✨ Finding someone to walk, vent, or laugh with.
✨ Feeling like someone would notice if you didn’t show up.
✨ Understanding that there are different kinds of friendships:
- The deep ones.
- The situational ones.
- The “we only talk at drop-off, but I like you” ones.
- The ones that spark… and fade.
- And maybe even the unexpected lifers.
Community isn’t one thing. It’s a mosaic. You collect the pieces as you go.
And if you’re in the messy middle of it, you’re not alone.
After a lifetime of hellos, goodbyes, and starting over in places where I didn’t know a soul, I’ve learned a few things about making real connections stick. No fluff. Just what’s worked (and what I wish I’d known sooner). … and that’s also part of why I created Almost Local—a space to share real stories, honest conversations, and tips that help.
👉 Curious? Read more about it here.
So here they are—20 (Realistic) Tips for Building Community in a New Country.
1. Say Yes More Than You’re Comfortable With
If someone invites you to a barbecue, book club, or obscure folk festival, just go. Weird can turn into wonderful.
Yes, it’ll feel uncomfortable. You will be tempted to stay home and finish that Netflix show. But saying yes gets easier over time. You start learning how to strike up conversations from scratch, read the room, and just… show up.
I’ve said yes to things I didn’t even understand. My go-to phrase is: “I’m in!” Then I ask, “Sooo… what are we doing?” Because the real plan isn’t learning medieval art—it’s meeting new people.
2. Be the First to Reach Out
Yes, it’s awkward. Yes, you might feel like a desperate weirdo. But you’re not. Most people are lonelier than they let on.
Even if someone’s been around longer or already has friends, a simple “Hey, want to grab coffee sometime?” can open a door.
One of my favorite mantras: You already have a no. So what do you have to lose?
You already have a no. So what do you have to lose?
3. Join Something (Even if You Might Hate It)
A language class, a coworking space, a gym, and an improv group—try it once. The goal isn’t perfection, it’s proximity.
When I moved to the Netherlands, I went to every PTA coffee I could. That’s how I met Sandra, who told me about Dutch classes for school parents. They were casual, conversation-based, and not too academic. Through those classes, I made amazing friends.
How much Dutch did I learn? Honestly, not much. But that wasn’t the point.
4. Practice “Third Place” Living
Find a go-to café, park, or market. You’re in when they start remembering your name or coffee order.
When we arrived, I joined a coworking space. I spend a lot of time there—not always working! There’s always a coffee break or a random chat about something hilarious. That’s how a community starts.
I showed up, and that made all the difference.
5. Volunteer or Help at Local Events
Feeling like an outsider is hard when you’re part of the backstage crew.
As a school mom, this one came naturally. I signed up for every trip they’d let me on (except the sporty camping ones—I draw the line at tents!). At first, it was awkward. Everyone knew what they were doing, and I was still fighting the language barrier. But I showed up, and that made all the difference.
6. Be Curious About Others’ Stories
Ask questions. Listen deeply. Connection starts when people feel seen.
Have a few go-to questions ready. And don’t dominate the conversation—nobody loves the new expat who only talks about themselves. Oh, and whatever you do: don’t start by complaining about everything. Curiosity > comparison.
7. Get Comfortable With Awkward Silence
Cultural gaps = weird pauses. Lean into it. Laugh at it. It’s part of the ride.
You don’t have to fill every silence. Sometimes, just being there is enough.
8. Don’t Wait to Be Fluent
Join the group before your language is perfect. Gestures and smiles are global.
Fluency is a moving target anyway. Connection starts long before perfection.
9. Create a WhatsApp Group (or Three)
It all started with one message.
For neighbors, school parents, expats, yoga buds… sometimes you must be the glue.
After those Dutch lessons, I suggested dinner. That turned into a WhatsApp group. Then we added polls, outings, even a trip to London. It started with one message.
10. Reach Out to Other Newcomers
No one understands the “Where the hell do I buy lightbulbs?” panic like a newcomer.
Newcomers are everywhere—and they’re looking. Infinite friendship potential.
11. Adopt a Dog (Or Borrow One)
It’s not just for companionship. Dogs = conversations = instant friend bait.
We dog-sit for two families. People talk to us the minute we walk out the door with a dog. Suddenly, the whole world opens up.
12. Say Goodbye to “Your Type” of Friend
You might bond with someone 20 years older who makes jam and listens to death metal. Go with it.
My closest friends come from everywhere: Peru, Germany, Chile, Brazil, Canada, Australia, and the UK. I try not to stick only with the Argentine crew. There’s nothing wrong with that, but there’s a whole world out there if you let it in.
There’s a whole world out there if you let it in.
13. Attend Events with Low Expectations
You’re not there to find your soul sister. You’re there to build your web.
Not every friend needs to know your life story. I have:
- Dutch dinner-and-lessons friends
- Sports buddies for paddleboarding and tennis
- Family friends for BBQs with kids
- Fellow entrepreneurs for business chats
Different layers. All valid.
14. Make Friends Across Cultures
Locals teach you subtleties—and slang.
Repeating this for the people in the back: your best friends might not look or sound like you or be from your home country. That’s the beauty of it.
15. Talk to Parents at Drop-Off (Even if You’re Half-Asleep)
One chat about lunchboxes might lead to wine night. Who knows?
School drop-offs are prime social hours. I don’t have them anymore (my kids go alone now), but if you still do, don’t miss the opportunity. Make it a goal to have one new parent chat a week.
16. Start a Ritual (That Includes Others)
Pasta Tuesdays, park Saturdays, walking meetups—the community lives in repetition.
With our Dutch group, we committed to one outing a month. We voted, set the date, and whoever could come… came. That consistency built a real connection.
17. Accept That Some Connections Will Fade
That’s okay. Not everyone is a forever friend. Some are just meant for a chapter.
Don’t take it personally. Everyone’s navigating their own stuff. When a connection fades, it makes space for a new (maybe even better) one.
18. Use Instagram With Intention
Follow local creators, DM people you like, and reply to Stories. Social media is just another kind of “street.”
Continue in-person conversations online. Share a post, send a meme, say hi. That little extra effort matters.
19. Be Patient and Keep Showing Up
Friendship isn’t always love at first sight. Sometimes it takes 17 times before someone invites you in.
I constantly remind myself: It’s not personal. People are busy. Life moves fast. Just keep showing up.
20. Remember: You’re Not Alone (Even When It Feels Like It)
There are thousands of us out here looking for connection.
You’re part of something bigger than you think. ❤️
🎙️ Bonus Tip:
Want to feel seen? Tune into Almost Local—a podcast for the wildly human stories behind life abroad.
The coffee’s hot. The stories are real. And there’s always a seat at the table.
With Love, xx, Maria